The power of the position: how perfectly nice bosses still intimidate their people

Despite hype about flattening the org chart, most of us still work in formally hierarchical organisations. Hierarchies create bosses. Even when you're a particularly lovely person the mere fact that you are "the boss" comes with power that can be intimidating to the people around you.

Don't believe me? Read this Twitter thread of people stressing out about every vague meeting invite. Here are a bunch of normally rational folks who are afraid for their livelihood when their manager so much as says "can we chat?".

It's easy to understand why people are intimidated by bosses who are rude and thoughtless or, worse, outright harassers. But most managers are perfectly nice people with good intentions, and we can make the mistake of thinking that's enough to make people comfortable around us.

Several factors contribute to why people may be uncomfortable around their perfectly-plesant boss, including:

- personal histories, such as having a jerk for a boss in the past;
- cultural differences, where some cultures place greater value on deference to authority;
- intersection with other ways that person is dis-empowered, such as if they are part of a minority that feels under threat in general;
- distance, because if people don't know you they don't experience your warmth and compassion.

Power imbalances are most keenly felt by the lower-status person in an interaction. The higher-status person (that's you, boss) may be completely oblivious but the effects are still there. If you are someone's manager or supervisor you have power over that person and - without you realizing it - that power will subtly influence your interactions.

Why it matters

There are tangible consequences if people are on edge around you.

1) Potential for poorer decisions due to
the HiPPO effect. That's when a group defers to the person with the most status in the room when making decisions or debating an issue.

2) Mental energy people are spending on worrying about your reaction is mental energy they're not spending on the work problems they're trying to solve.

3) Missing information because people are guarded in what they tell you.

If your staff are reluctant to disagree with / challenge you, that is your failing, not theirs. Part of your responsibility is to make space for those other voices.

What to do about it

Here are some concrete steps you can take to break down the negative effects of hierarchy:

1) Shut up in meetings. Really. Your people can't all line up behind your idea or opinion if they don't know what it is. When there is a question resist the urge to opine and let everyone else answer first. Listen to what they have to say. Thank them for their insights. Consider not even stating your opinion - does it always matter what you think? (Hint: no, not always)

2) Admit when you were wrong. Do it early, do it often. Credit the person who pointed it out. "I thought the analysis was done, but Zainab suggested two more comparisons and she was totally right, it changed my perspective."

3) Follow through on what you learn. Your people need to have real experience where your mind is changed after you are challenged. This is where you prove it's more than just lip service when you say "tell me if I'm wrong". When they see that you can and do pivot based on their input, they will be motivated to keep sharing.

4) Go first. Initiate contact
with front-line folks instead of relying on them to approach you. My favourite way to do this is management by walking around. People who would never come knock on my office door will often ask for help with something if I informally drop by their desk, and sometimes their offhand comments about their workloads or current challenges give me a very different perspective and important information that I wasn't getting from the supervisory layers that separate us.

What other steps have helped you mitigate the consequences of positional power?