My biggest career mistake
I was fired from my first job in the federal public service.
It would have been easy for me to blame the people I worked for. There were any manner of gripes I could have, some bigger than others:
This was a case of a round peg and an extremely square hole. I was miserable, and so were they.
Even before that employer rejected me, I knew I had to leave. I had been furiously applying on jobs in other departments, but staffing processes were frustratingly slow. After the axe fell, I had time to do some serious introspection to figure out how I had gotten to this point.
Before I started there, I knew that department's reputation as rigid and hierarchical and I knew that wasn't really my jam, but I thought I could handle it. Plus I got a 40% raise to leave the City and take this job. Who would say no to that? I had taken the job motivated by money. Not necessary money, not money I needed to keep a roof over my head. But significantly more money.
Of course there are situations where people are forced to take undesirable work in order to get their needs met. I understand that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and I offer solidarity to anyone put in that position. But I was in the fortunate situation of having a choice, and I got dazzled by the lie that life is a competition and more money means you're winning it.
Misery at work had a big cost. I was constantly stressed. I came home and ranted about work. I was cranky and prone to fighting with my partner. I wasn't bringing my best self to work either, which left me feeling unfulfilled and ultimately put my very livelihood at risk.
All of that in order to afford a bigger cable package and eat in restaurants more often. Yikes.
Sitting at home figuring out what was next, I realized that more money was the wrong reason for me to change jobs. Promotion for the sake of it doesn't lead to a better life at work or at home. It wasn't a lesson I would soon forget.
Strangely, this story has a happy ending. A week and a half into my paid notice period I got a call from a place where I'd applied months prior. It was a department with a mission I was passionate about, and the work would have me closely connected with clients I wanted to support. This was something I could be exited getting out of bed for, and they wanted me to work with them. I nervously explained that I had just been rejected on probation and I understood if this changed the offer of employment, but I still thought I had a lot to offer. The HR advisor thanked me for my honesty and hired me anyway.
In my new job, I had a new sense of purpose and a lot more gratitude. I had found an organization that cared about the same things I did, that wanted my ideas and enthusiasm, and that put them to work. After that, the promotions I took were because I was interested in what I could learn there or because I was excited about their upcoming challenges, and not because they paid me more. In that environment, I was successful both in the outwardly visible ways, but also in the deeply meaningful ways of taking pride in my work.
Maybe there are some people who are motivated by money, who find that external reward feeds them. I'm not that person. The lesson for everyone out of my former pain is the value in knowing ourselves and in keeping this knowledge close when we are making important decisions about how to spend our time and talents. Our time on this earth is too short to spend it miserably.
Well not, technically, fired. I was "rejected on probation", which is a quicker process that can only be done during the first year of employment, but the effect is the same: they had tried me out as an employee and decided they didn't want me. In lieu of notice they would pay me to stay at home my last four weeks and then I would be unemployed.
For years prior to this job, I received heaps of positive feedback everywhere I went. I had worked my way through a series of jobs with more responsibility and more pay at each step: I went from part time gas station attendant to gas station assistant manager to taxation clerk for the City to this clerical position in the federal government. Each time, I had been able to make the move based on my the strength of my performance, and I was regularly told about how much potential I had. How could things have gone so wrong?
It would have been easy for me to blame the people I worked for. There were any manner of gripes I could have, some bigger than others:
- during my first couple of weeks they denied me bereavement leave for the death of my great-grandmother, then told me it was my fault for not knowing the policy - even though they told me before I left that it would be approved.
- they mandated what radio station would be played in the office and declined to turn it off or allow me to listen to something else via headphones.
- the inexperienced supervisor condescendingly handed out stickers when staff did a good job.
- they did a number of things to try and stifle me and my youthful enthusiasm, telling me I'd get over it once I understood how things really worked.
But most importantly, the organization's values were not aligned with my own. They liked command and control, I like consultation and involvement. They were rigid about how work gets done, I'm interested in flexible methods and outcomes-focus. They were a "because it's how we've always done it" type of workplace, whereas I appreciate continuous improvement and radical shifts for major gains. They thought I had a lot to learn and should wait my turn to learn it, I was hungry for opportunity and growth and not at all patient. Further, their mission didn't light me up inside. I understood the purpose of it in the world but it didn't make me excited to go to work.
This was a case of a round peg and an extremely square hole. I was miserable, and so were they.
Even before that employer rejected me, I knew I had to leave. I had been furiously applying on jobs in other departments, but staffing processes were frustratingly slow. After the axe fell, I had time to do some serious introspection to figure out how I had gotten to this point.
Before I started there, I knew that department's reputation as rigid and hierarchical and I knew that wasn't really my jam, but I thought I could handle it. Plus I got a 40% raise to leave the City and take this job. Who would say no to that? I had taken the job motivated by money. Not necessary money, not money I needed to keep a roof over my head. But significantly more money.
Of course there are situations where people are forced to take undesirable work in order to get their needs met. I understand that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and I offer solidarity to anyone put in that position. But I was in the fortunate situation of having a choice, and I got dazzled by the lie that life is a competition and more money means you're winning it.
Misery at work had a big cost. I was constantly stressed. I came home and ranted about work. I was cranky and prone to fighting with my partner. I wasn't bringing my best self to work either, which left me feeling unfulfilled and ultimately put my very livelihood at risk.
All of that in order to afford a bigger cable package and eat in restaurants more often. Yikes.
Sitting at home figuring out what was next, I realized that more money was the wrong reason for me to change jobs. Promotion for the sake of it doesn't lead to a better life at work or at home. It wasn't a lesson I would soon forget.
∽
Strangely, this story has a happy ending. A week and a half into my paid notice period I got a call from a place where I'd applied months prior. It was a department with a mission I was passionate about, and the work would have me closely connected with clients I wanted to support. This was something I could be exited getting out of bed for, and they wanted me to work with them. I nervously explained that I had just been rejected on probation and I understood if this changed the offer of employment, but I still thought I had a lot to offer. The HR advisor thanked me for my honesty and hired me anyway.
In my new job, I had a new sense of purpose and a lot more gratitude. I had found an organization that cared about the same things I did, that wanted my ideas and enthusiasm, and that put them to work. After that, the promotions I took were because I was interested in what I could learn there or because I was excited about their upcoming challenges, and not because they paid me more. In that environment, I was successful both in the outwardly visible ways, but also in the deeply meaningful ways of taking pride in my work.
Maybe there are some people who are motivated by money, who find that external reward feeds them. I'm not that person. The lesson for everyone out of my former pain is the value in knowing ourselves and in keeping this knowledge close when we are making important decisions about how to spend our time and talents. Our time on this earth is too short to spend it miserably.
Comments
Post a Comment